Cleaning House

I had a “best friend” a few years ago (by the use of quotes, you should already know where this is going! ). I met her through a friend…well, kind of. She was the ex of some guy I used to really like, but are no longer on speaking terms.
We had a lot in common and would spend hours on the phone with each other. We shared some of the same traumatic experiences and in some weird way bonded over that.  She was a certified weirdo, and I liked that.
Issues started to arise, though.  Three of her male friends hurt me. Really hurt me. And yet,  she’s still friends with them. I don’t particularly care that they are her friends,  but I’m no longer her friend.  It says a lot to me about a person when they never seem to have time for you,  your actual female friend who isn’t balls deep in the latest gossip, yet seem to have time for those who have hurt your friend. It really says something.  And mental illnesses and depression aside, that’s not fair. I understand going months without interaction with people. I totally get that. But that’s not an excuse to just run me over. 

I am not going to spend more time emotionally investing in someone when I’m not getting anything in return.

There’s a long list of people that have done that to me. Most notably my “ex fiancé.” I feel like I have to say that because it’ll serve as a reminder that an “x is an x for a reason!”.
Despite his proposing to me, I was the one putting more into this “relationship” than him. And in many ways I had to. He was living on the other side of the world and wanted me to move there. Which I would have done. In a heartbeat. But my rational side often quarrelled with my idealistic, more romantic side, and kept saying, “Yeah, but do you really know this guy? (Answer:NO)” or “How do you plan on doing anything?” My Piscean delusions just melded into the thought of him and we were going to do everything as one. The fairytale come true…
…except it didn’t. Red fucking flags galore. And I should have caught them in after four months. Excuses piling up. No contact for long stretches at a time. His getting mad at me for contacting his parents. If I hadn’t known him prior, I would have thought he was catfishing me.
Long story short, I ended it. Well technically he did, but didn’t really say it. I made it clear that I never wanted to speak with him again. I blocked him from everything. Incidentally, if he really wanted to contact me, he could, since we have a few friends in common. But nothing. He didn’t even tell his best friend about it. The low life!

Yes yes. My fault. But again I learned something. Never treat someone as a priority when they clearly only see you as an option. And I’m slowly getting rid of people who see me that way.

And I’m slowly not thinking about punching him in the face.


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